Cherish: To treat with tenderness, care and affection; to nurture or protect with care.
Truth: You deserve to cherish yourself no matter what you weigh.
Inconvenient truth: Being thin will not make you happy or cherished.
Many people who have lost weight and become thin are also deeply disappointed… and feel cheated, duped…lied to. They think – “Wait a minute! They said my life would be great when I got thin…that I would be happy…that I would love myself… and be loved.” They love being thin and wearing smaller clothes…feeling lighter. Secretly, they now know and realize that changing the outside did not change the inside. They still feel like a “fat person” – unworthy, unlovable, broken, damaged… and really angry! And empty and let down. Rather like that old song “Is That All There Is?”
The problem is that “thin” has been bundled up with dreams, with love, with being cherished, with being OK, with “arriving.” It becomes a huge goal. Dreams get postponed while you work hard to become thin… certain that the struggle will have been worth it. The thinking is “when I’m thin, then real life can begin.” Alas! “Thin” is just a body size and a wrinkle in time. It is not a destination or an end point. There will be no parade with a brass band when you get to “thin.”
“Thin” is rather like the Zen joke about enlightenment. Before enlightenment, life is about chopping wood and getting water. After enlightenment, life is about chopping wood and getting water. It is the same with “thin.” You have to keep living your life.
The fact is that your relationship with food and body size is an ongoing process and not an end point or a promontory point from which everything looks different. And this is exactly why so many people lose weight only to gain it back again (and again!) and continue to believe that the next time it will be different. They want to believe that being thin will fulfill the magical promise of everlasting happiness… and joy and self-love and worthiness. Inconvenient Truth: “Thin” can never provide any of those things. That is an “inside job” you must do yourself.
This is not to say that you should just accept being fat, with all of the health risks that come with it. Attaining your natural healthy weight is a good goal to have. There are many great reasons to be thin – like making it easier to fit into clothes, being more physical, taking stress off your heart and your joints. Being cherished is NOT one of them. Being cherished and the size of your body are not in the same equation. The truth is that you deserve to be cherished and to cherish yourself. No matter the size of your body, no matter how “good” you are, no matter what. Period.
“Thin” does not make anyone happy. It never did and it never could. So what does make you happy? The good news is that you can have that right now… without waiting for “thin.” How can you have happiness…and all of the other things you thought “thin” would provide? By living as if you liked yourself! By nixing the “fat and ugly” attacks and self-judgment. By making a commitment to be kind to yourself. By setting aside “me time” each and every day. By acting on your own behalf.
What you focus on expands. Put your energy and attention on being happy. Put your attention on truly appreciating your body. After all, it has put up with a lot! Use affirmations to boost your self-confidence. Concentrate on clearing crap and tolerations out of your life. Make a practice of self-care and stress-relieving meditations. In short, cherish yourself. You deserve it.